PROVE IT!!, or Why The Truth Is Entirely Up For Grabs So You Might As Well Try Acupuncture In The New Year.

Ah, the New Year. We're all going to be better, smarter, healthier in this next 12 month period, no?

Well, the Spleen hopes so. And she's going to end with a little spleen to go out on.

Often when I am helping people by giving them some sort of holistic health advice, I am witnessing this deep struggle within them, and if it could be accurately articulated, I think it would go something like this:

"IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME THEN THAT MEANS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER BEEN TAUGHT IS WRONG. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, IT MEANS MY DOCTOR IS AN ASSHOLE, AND I LIKE MY DOCTOR AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE AN ASSHOLE. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, THEN I'M A FUCKING HIPPIE AND I HATE HIPPIES. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, THERE IS NO GOD AS I UNDERSTAND IT."

And to that, I say - slow the fuck down you paranoid freak.

Western Allopathic medicine is a modality of health care. So is Traditional Chinese Medicine. So are the uses of Western/Eastern European herbs. These are all just different ways of taking care of yourself. Your body, your choice.

What we have been taught is that there is One True Medicine, and it has been proved to work by science, and since science is never wrong, then it would be pointless to try anything else, right?

Jonah Leher's piece in the New Yorker, "The Truth Wears Off" ends his excellent discussion of the tendency of scientific study results to become less decisive the more the study is repeated with this excellent quote: "

"The decline effect is troubling because it reminds us how difficult it is to prove anything. We like to pretend that our experiments define the truth for us. But that’s often not the case. Just because an idea is true doesn’t mean it can be proved. And just because an idea can be proved doesn’t mean it’s true. When the experiments are done, we still have to choose what to believe. "

 

I assume that most of the people who read this blog have some interest in alternative healing, and that most have dabbled in it. I am the first to admit that going the holistic route has its drawbacks - the results are more permanent than with symptom-suppressing drugs, but the road is often longer, and involves more discomfort. It's not for everyone.

 

But don't turn your back on alternative medicine in the name of sound science because the science you think is there often isn't. And if that is true (which it is) then your health is back in your own hands, and you are fully empowered to choose what you think is best for you. Your body, your choice, no truth.

CASTOR OIL! Why and how it totally rocks my world.

I can't remember if I have already written about castor oil. But fuck it, I'll write about it again. It's that good!!

I first discovered castor oil when (for complicated-and-too-boring-to-recount-reasons) I ended up turning septic after an OD of hepatatoxic medicine in my 20's. I turned yellow-ish. It was AWESOME. And let me tell you something about liver toxicity - it makes you into a total moron. I couldn't dial a phone right for months. Somehow I managed to get some information on castor oil compresses from my distracted health food bookstore reading. And I started using the sh*t out of that stuff right away.

It's often suggested as a useful tool during a liver cleanse, used as a compress on undyed flannel wool with heat. But there is so, so much more.

-ANTI-CYSTIC. It can be used externally on cystic acne and on external cysts. Just put it on, add some heat if you like, it should start to shrink it right away. Do it for a few days or a week depending on the size of the cyst.
-FACIAL MASK. Mixed with a drop of rosemary or lavender, or powdered french clay, it makes a great facial treatment.
-FACIAL SCRUB. Castor oil with a 1/2 teaspoon of sea salt or sugar will perk dull skin right up.
-OIL WASH: Put about a teaspoon and a half on your fingertips and massage it in. Your skin will love you. Just wipe it off with a kleenex or paper towel and use an alcohol-free toner to follow. Great for aging skin.
-PROMOTES EYELASH GROWTH AND HEALTH. Apply it to your lashes with a dry mascara brush before bedtime.
-JOINT LUBRICATION. Massage it into creaky, cracking joints. This doesn't help all the time, but sometimes it works amazingly, and hey, cheaper than an MRI.
-FIX YOUR BUTT! Mixed with neem oil, it can help heal an anal fissure. Yup, I went there.
-HANGOVER MELLOWER. Last but not least, a castor oil compress after a hard night out can alleviate the worst hangover symptoms in about a half hour. Use it on a wool flannel compress underneath some saran wrap (to protect your clothing), add a heating pad and take a lie down for about 20 minutes. After you get up, drink lots of water and you should feel a lot better soon.

Only caveats are: don't drink it; don't put it in an open wound; it's super sticky and it stains, so be careful about with your finery around it. OH, and if you are on some kind of Chinese herb regimen, I would lay off the compresses - it can really goose a cleansing process into a cleansing crisis. You're welcome.

PAIN IN THE ASS! Ulcerative Colitis for beginners - for N.

So there was a request for me to talk about UC. Yes people, the Spleen knows everything about the UC system. Not. But she does know a lot about Ulcerative Colitis.

First of all, for those who don't know much about Ulcerative Colitis, it's considered an auto-immune disorder with a similar inflammatory pattern to certain kinds of arthritis. One definition says that the immune system attacks the colon - my own experience of it feels more like the colon become suddenly inflammed - as if someone had tried to sand it with a large grade sandpaper. And then you tried to push poop through it. Nuf said.

The result of the inflamed colon tends to be bloody diarrhea, severe cramping, and just generally a lot of running to the bathroom. GOOD TIMES.

I was diagnosed with UC when I was 11, but haven't been on any meds for it since I was about 20. At 20 I started smoking and, weirdly enough, that seems to control UC outbreaks. I didn't have a peep from mine until the spring after I quit cigarettes. That spring I had a nasty flare up. But oddly - and I think this is important to note - mostly sans blood. Granted, I was eating a mostly liquid diet, but the pattern of cramping and tearing ass to the bathroom was generally the same. It lasted about 2 months, and then resolved itself somewhat spontaneously. Since then - and its been about 12 years since then - I've had two major flare ups which I have treated with diet, acupuncture and herbs.

Ultimately, I recognize that UC is an energetic disorder with physical symptoms. This is highly inconvenient because it means that you need to keep a really clean house with your mental health. You need to manage your stress, and you need to dive deep and get a handle on whatever bad habits you have that allow external factors to manifest as internal conflict. You have to get to know yourself and get really, really honest. It doesn't mean that your inability to manage your stress gives you UC and so IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. It just means that the load of bullshit you can manage healthily is perhaps smaller than other folks - and really, this is ultimately an advantage.

I hear they have great drugs out there that suppress the symptoms - but that they lose effectiveness over time. Frankly, I'm not interested in medicating this particular problem. I don't want to trade the ability to eat french fries for losing my colon when I'm in my fifties or sixties.

The non medicalized road to UC health is arduous and demands that you really stay committed to the plan. Consistency is the key.

Diet is SUPER IMPORTANT. It tends to be SUPER JOYLESS during flare ups.
Here's what I do:

-Absolutely no fried foods. NO. FRIED. FOODS. AT ALL. Meaning tortilla chips or any other junk food that is fried.
-No junk food. 
-No caffeine.
-No raw foods.
-No nuts or crunchy beans, like soynuts.
-Well cooked vegetables or soups. If the flare up is imminent or already happening, you should be eating food that is almost pre-digested.
-Small amounts of well cooked chicken or fish. No red meat.
-Check out Dr. Weil's Anti-inflammatory diet as a guide for the best foods to include.
-I find it's better to eat white rice or overcooked brown rice than any kind of flour products...
-...and anyway, no gluten during flare ups...
-...and no sugar. Maybe a little honey in tea, but that's it.
-High quality yogurt, absolutely has to be organic, and should be plain without sweetener.
-All your foods should be as high quality and clean as possible.
-And this is the kicker: ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL. 

Here are the supplements that I use when there is a flare up or I can feel one coming on.

-Slippery elm. Start with two capsules at every meal, and QUICKLY build to a heaping tablespoon  three times a day mixed with water. In the middle of a flare up, I start taking 8 capsules about 6 times a day which is about the same amount.
-Marshmallow root. Take a tea. Can make some people kind of hyper and sleepless, so start with a teaspoon steeped for 10 minutes.
-The best pro-biotic money can buy. Take 15 minutes after every meal. This is so important I can't even begin to truly communicate how important it is.

The last part to the treatment plan is really, really necessary. Find yourself a good acupuncturist. Be prepared that your symptoms will get a little worse before they get better. But this part - this is key. I would not be able to manage my symptoms without either of my acupuncturists.

Ultimately, I believe anyone can manage their UC and probably be mostly free from it. But it takes a willingness to do whatever is necessary to maintain health. If you are willing to put your health absolutely first in every situation, you should do pretty well. Even if you whine like a baby about what a pain in the ass it is.

Of course you could just go eat worms. Srsly.

Ms. Crankypants Tells You To Put Your F-ing Drink Down When You Have Cancer

Okay, I am just going to say this because people do not seem to be getting it.

ALCOHOL IS A KNOWN CARCINOGEN.

Yes, I know that a small amount of wine is supposed to be good for you. And moderate drinkers don't get whatever-they-are-telling-you-this-week. And that's all lovely and fine.

But.

ALCOHOL IS A KNOWN CARCINOGEN.

Don't believe me? Look here and here and here.

For some reason I keep running into stories where people are drinking during chemo or immediately after, or during AND after. And I Really Can't Wrap My Head Around It.

DRINKING IS NOT A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT! I know, shocking. But it isn't. It's lovely, it's all lovely, but it's not a lifestyle and if you want to be well when you are going through chemo and radiation and as you are recovering PUT THE F-ING WINE GLASS DOWN.

No, your doctor isn't going to tell you this, and the reason he won't is because what doctors know about nutrition is zipola. They aren't trained to tell you what to eat. I KNOW. IT'S STUPID. BUT THIS IS A FACT. So they also won't tell you not to drink your cancer worries away, and it's not because they are all tools. It's because that just isn't part of their job as they understand it.

Clearly this subject will make me super popular. And please don't send me lots of letters telling me about how your alcoholic dad went through prostate cancer boozing it up and is now just fine, because it still doesn't make drinking when you have cancer and are going through treatment a good idea. Although it might make it a good time.

FABULOUS USES FOR ORANGE OIL! And I hate blogging.

Okay, so I am going to struggle...STRUGGGGGGLLLLLE to keep the Spleen going. Why? I dunno. Do you all need all my weird advice? Beats me. I think I am just desperately trying to get my analog ass to acknowledge the importance of the digital revolution and keep the damn thread going.

So here we go. ORANGE OIL!!!!! Sweet orange oil, to be specific. It looks like this:

And you can use it for almost everything.
-Put it on a cystic zit and it will calm the redness of the inflammation.
-Add it to witch hazel and it will cut the inflammation of your whole face!
-Brush your teeth with it when you are experiencing an outbreak of canker sores! (and don't use toothpaste with SLS, makes the canker sores worse)
-Add to any aromatherapy diffuser, makes you instantly less gloomy.
-Add a single drop to water when you have travel constipation, and it will, um, get things moving - but should do so in a calm way, unlike Senna compounds and teas (Smooth Move, my ass!)
-Detoxifies the system, so go EASY on it.
-If you don't like ingesting it, you can rub it on your belly and it should also produce movement.

Unrelated, orange oil is a natural termite treatment. But it will take more than this tiny bottle. Probably many tiny bottles.

DISCLAIMER: All essential oils are actually quite potent. Always try a bit to see how you react before you slather it on. Use a carrier oil like sesame or coconut. Don't over do it.

Heartburn by any other name...

The further I delve into the matrix that is our Medical Chronic Illness Vertical Integration Management System, NOW WITH MORE AVAILABILITY!! the sadder I get.

I used to think that the system was valid and it just didn't work for me. I used to think that most drugs were good drugs and that I just didn't like the way they worked on me. Lastly, and I think Firstly in most people's assumptions is the idea that Medical Innovation Is Happening Just For You, to take care of you, to turn your frown upside down when you're feeling blue/sick.

Here's a couple of drugs that you probably have heard of:

Prilosec, Nexium, Ome-whatever-azole. All. The. Same. Drug. For vastly different prices.

Is there any quality difference? Nope. Why does your doctor now prescribe Nexium? Because it's the one he got samples of. Why not Prilosec? Because it's cheaper and less competitive and the stopped giving out the samples. The generic happened after Prilosec's copyright wore off. Which is why they "invented" Nexium.

But here's the thing you need to keep track of. These drugs - all three - must get sold. And they must make a profit. So more people must be continually prescribed these drugs. So pharmaceutical reps must keep pushing to find more market share, i.e. tell the doctors that the drug is useful for more and more conditions. And doctors - being busy - accept the company's literature without question.

So maybe you don't have an ulcer - maybe you just have an upset stomach. Take Prilosec! That didn't work. Hmmm. Why don't we try....NEXIUM! Sorta worked? Well, then take Nexium until your insurance runs out and then take the generic but bitch about it because you are sure you are being cheated out of a better therapy.