PROVE IT!!, or Why The Truth Is Entirely Up For Grabs So You Might As Well Try Acupuncture In The New Year.

Ah, the New Year. We're all going to be better, smarter, healthier in this next 12 month period, no?

Well, the Spleen hopes so. And she's going to end with a little spleen to go out on.

Often when I am helping people by giving them some sort of holistic health advice, I am witnessing this deep struggle within them, and if it could be accurately articulated, I think it would go something like this:

"IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME THEN THAT MEANS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER BEEN TAUGHT IS WRONG. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, IT MEANS MY DOCTOR IS AN ASSHOLE, AND I LIKE MY DOCTOR AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO BE AN ASSHOLE. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, THEN I'M A FUCKING HIPPIE AND I HATE HIPPIES. IF I TAKE THIS HERB AND IT HELPS ME, THERE IS NO GOD AS I UNDERSTAND IT."

And to that, I say - slow the fuck down you paranoid freak.

Western Allopathic medicine is a modality of health care. So is Traditional Chinese Medicine. So are the uses of Western/Eastern European herbs. These are all just different ways of taking care of yourself. Your body, your choice.

What we have been taught is that there is One True Medicine, and it has been proved to work by science, and since science is never wrong, then it would be pointless to try anything else, right?

Jonah Leher's piece in the New Yorker, "The Truth Wears Off" ends his excellent discussion of the tendency of scientific study results to become less decisive the more the study is repeated with this excellent quote: "

"The decline effect is troubling because it reminds us how difficult it is to prove anything. We like to pretend that our experiments define the truth for us. But that’s often not the case. Just because an idea is true doesn’t mean it can be proved. And just because an idea can be proved doesn’t mean it’s true. When the experiments are done, we still have to choose what to believe. "

 

I assume that most of the people who read this blog have some interest in alternative healing, and that most have dabbled in it. I am the first to admit that going the holistic route has its drawbacks - the results are more permanent than with symptom-suppressing drugs, but the road is often longer, and involves more discomfort. It's not for everyone.

 

But don't turn your back on alternative medicine in the name of sound science because the science you think is there often isn't. And if that is true (which it is) then your health is back in your own hands, and you are fully empowered to choose what you think is best for you. Your body, your choice, no truth.

CASTOR OIL! Why and how it totally rocks my world.

I can't remember if I have already written about castor oil. But fuck it, I'll write about it again. It's that good!!

I first discovered castor oil when (for complicated-and-too-boring-to-recount-reasons) I ended up turning septic after an OD of hepatatoxic medicine in my 20's. I turned yellow-ish. It was AWESOME. And let me tell you something about liver toxicity - it makes you into a total moron. I couldn't dial a phone right for months. Somehow I managed to get some information on castor oil compresses from my distracted health food bookstore reading. And I started using the sh*t out of that stuff right away.

It's often suggested as a useful tool during a liver cleanse, used as a compress on undyed flannel wool with heat. But there is so, so much more.

-ANTI-CYSTIC. It can be used externally on cystic acne and on external cysts. Just put it on, add some heat if you like, it should start to shrink it right away. Do it for a few days or a week depending on the size of the cyst.
-FACIAL MASK. Mixed with a drop of rosemary or lavender, or powdered french clay, it makes a great facial treatment.
-FACIAL SCRUB. Castor oil with a 1/2 teaspoon of sea salt or sugar will perk dull skin right up.
-OIL WASH: Put about a teaspoon and a half on your fingertips and massage it in. Your skin will love you. Just wipe it off with a kleenex or paper towel and use an alcohol-free toner to follow. Great for aging skin.
-PROMOTES EYELASH GROWTH AND HEALTH. Apply it to your lashes with a dry mascara brush before bedtime.
-JOINT LUBRICATION. Massage it into creaky, cracking joints. This doesn't help all the time, but sometimes it works amazingly, and hey, cheaper than an MRI.
-FIX YOUR BUTT! Mixed with neem oil, it can help heal an anal fissure. Yup, I went there.
-HANGOVER MELLOWER. Last but not least, a castor oil compress after a hard night out can alleviate the worst hangover symptoms in about a half hour. Use it on a wool flannel compress underneath some saran wrap (to protect your clothing), add a heating pad and take a lie down for about 20 minutes. After you get up, drink lots of water and you should feel a lot better soon.

Only caveats are: don't drink it; don't put it in an open wound; it's super sticky and it stains, so be careful about with your finery around it. OH, and if you are on some kind of Chinese herb regimen, I would lay off the compresses - it can really goose a cleansing process into a cleansing crisis. You're welcome.

PAIN IN THE ASS! Ulcerative Colitis for beginners - for N.

So there was a request for me to talk about UC. Yes people, the Spleen knows everything about the UC system. Not. But she does know a lot about Ulcerative Colitis.

First of all, for those who don't know much about Ulcerative Colitis, it's considered an auto-immune disorder with a similar inflammatory pattern to certain kinds of arthritis. One definition says that the immune system attacks the colon - my own experience of it feels more like the colon become suddenly inflammed - as if someone had tried to sand it with a large grade sandpaper. And then you tried to push poop through it. Nuf said.

The result of the inflamed colon tends to be bloody diarrhea, severe cramping, and just generally a lot of running to the bathroom. GOOD TIMES.

I was diagnosed with UC when I was 11, but haven't been on any meds for it since I was about 20. At 20 I started smoking and, weirdly enough, that seems to control UC outbreaks. I didn't have a peep from mine until the spring after I quit cigarettes. That spring I had a nasty flare up. But oddly - and I think this is important to note - mostly sans blood. Granted, I was eating a mostly liquid diet, but the pattern of cramping and tearing ass to the bathroom was generally the same. It lasted about 2 months, and then resolved itself somewhat spontaneously. Since then - and its been about 12 years since then - I've had two major flare ups which I have treated with diet, acupuncture and herbs.

Ultimately, I recognize that UC is an energetic disorder with physical symptoms. This is highly inconvenient because it means that you need to keep a really clean house with your mental health. You need to manage your stress, and you need to dive deep and get a handle on whatever bad habits you have that allow external factors to manifest as internal conflict. You have to get to know yourself and get really, really honest. It doesn't mean that your inability to manage your stress gives you UC and so IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. It just means that the load of bullshit you can manage healthily is perhaps smaller than other folks - and really, this is ultimately an advantage.

I hear they have great drugs out there that suppress the symptoms - but that they lose effectiveness over time. Frankly, I'm not interested in medicating this particular problem. I don't want to trade the ability to eat french fries for losing my colon when I'm in my fifties or sixties.

The non medicalized road to UC health is arduous and demands that you really stay committed to the plan. Consistency is the key.

Diet is SUPER IMPORTANT. It tends to be SUPER JOYLESS during flare ups.
Here's what I do:

-Absolutely no fried foods. NO. FRIED. FOODS. AT ALL. Meaning tortilla chips or any other junk food that is fried.
-No junk food. 
-No caffeine.
-No raw foods.
-No nuts or crunchy beans, like soynuts.
-Well cooked vegetables or soups. If the flare up is imminent or already happening, you should be eating food that is almost pre-digested.
-Small amounts of well cooked chicken or fish. No red meat.
-Check out Dr. Weil's Anti-inflammatory diet as a guide for the best foods to include.
-I find it's better to eat white rice or overcooked brown rice than any kind of flour products...
-...and anyway, no gluten during flare ups...
-...and no sugar. Maybe a little honey in tea, but that's it.
-High quality yogurt, absolutely has to be organic, and should be plain without sweetener.
-All your foods should be as high quality and clean as possible.
-And this is the kicker: ABSOLUTELY NO ALCOHOL. 

Here are the supplements that I use when there is a flare up or I can feel one coming on.

-Slippery elm. Start with two capsules at every meal, and QUICKLY build to a heaping tablespoon  three times a day mixed with water. In the middle of a flare up, I start taking 8 capsules about 6 times a day which is about the same amount.
-Marshmallow root. Take a tea. Can make some people kind of hyper and sleepless, so start with a teaspoon steeped for 10 minutes.
-The best pro-biotic money can buy. Take 15 minutes after every meal. This is so important I can't even begin to truly communicate how important it is.

The last part to the treatment plan is really, really necessary. Find yourself a good acupuncturist. Be prepared that your symptoms will get a little worse before they get better. But this part - this is key. I would not be able to manage my symptoms without either of my acupuncturists.

Ultimately, I believe anyone can manage their UC and probably be mostly free from it. But it takes a willingness to do whatever is necessary to maintain health. If you are willing to put your health absolutely first in every situation, you should do pretty well. Even if you whine like a baby about what a pain in the ass it is.

Of course you could just go eat worms. Srsly.

Ms. Crankypants Tells You To Put Your F-ing Drink Down When You Have Cancer

Okay, I am just going to say this because people do not seem to be getting it.

ALCOHOL IS A KNOWN CARCINOGEN.

Yes, I know that a small amount of wine is supposed to be good for you. And moderate drinkers don't get whatever-they-are-telling-you-this-week. And that's all lovely and fine.

But.

ALCOHOL IS A KNOWN CARCINOGEN.

Don't believe me? Look here and here and here.

For some reason I keep running into stories where people are drinking during chemo or immediately after, or during AND after. And I Really Can't Wrap My Head Around It.

DRINKING IS NOT A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT! I know, shocking. But it isn't. It's lovely, it's all lovely, but it's not a lifestyle and if you want to be well when you are going through chemo and radiation and as you are recovering PUT THE F-ING WINE GLASS DOWN.

No, your doctor isn't going to tell you this, and the reason he won't is because what doctors know about nutrition is zipola. They aren't trained to tell you what to eat. I KNOW. IT'S STUPID. BUT THIS IS A FACT. So they also won't tell you not to drink your cancer worries away, and it's not because they are all tools. It's because that just isn't part of their job as they understand it.

Clearly this subject will make me super popular. And please don't send me lots of letters telling me about how your alcoholic dad went through prostate cancer boozing it up and is now just fine, because it still doesn't make drinking when you have cancer and are going through treatment a good idea. Although it might make it a good time.

FABULOUS USES FOR ORANGE OIL! And I hate blogging.

Okay, so I am going to struggle...STRUGGGGGGLLLLLE to keep the Spleen going. Why? I dunno. Do you all need all my weird advice? Beats me. I think I am just desperately trying to get my analog ass to acknowledge the importance of the digital revolution and keep the damn thread going.

So here we go. ORANGE OIL!!!!! Sweet orange oil, to be specific. It looks like this:

And you can use it for almost everything.
-Put it on a cystic zit and it will calm the redness of the inflammation.
-Add it to witch hazel and it will cut the inflammation of your whole face!
-Brush your teeth with it when you are experiencing an outbreak of canker sores! (and don't use toothpaste with SLS, makes the canker sores worse)
-Add to any aromatherapy diffuser, makes you instantly less gloomy.
-Add a single drop to water when you have travel constipation, and it will, um, get things moving - but should do so in a calm way, unlike Senna compounds and teas (Smooth Move, my ass!)
-Detoxifies the system, so go EASY on it.
-If you don't like ingesting it, you can rub it on your belly and it should also produce movement.

Unrelated, orange oil is a natural termite treatment. But it will take more than this tiny bottle. Probably many tiny bottles.

DISCLAIMER: All essential oils are actually quite potent. Always try a bit to see how you react before you slather it on. Use a carrier oil like sesame or coconut. Don't over do it.

Heartburn by any other name...

The further I delve into the matrix that is our Medical Chronic Illness Vertical Integration Management System, NOW WITH MORE AVAILABILITY!! the sadder I get.

I used to think that the system was valid and it just didn't work for me. I used to think that most drugs were good drugs and that I just didn't like the way they worked on me. Lastly, and I think Firstly in most people's assumptions is the idea that Medical Innovation Is Happening Just For You, to take care of you, to turn your frown upside down when you're feeling blue/sick.

Here's a couple of drugs that you probably have heard of:

Prilosec, Nexium, Ome-whatever-azole. All. The. Same. Drug. For vastly different prices.

Is there any quality difference? Nope. Why does your doctor now prescribe Nexium? Because it's the one he got samples of. Why not Prilosec? Because it's cheaper and less competitive and the stopped giving out the samples. The generic happened after Prilosec's copyright wore off. Which is why they "invented" Nexium.

But here's the thing you need to keep track of. These drugs - all three - must get sold. And they must make a profit. So more people must be continually prescribed these drugs. So pharmaceutical reps must keep pushing to find more market share, i.e. tell the doctors that the drug is useful for more and more conditions. And doctors - being busy - accept the company's literature without question.

So maybe you don't have an ulcer - maybe you just have an upset stomach. Take Prilosec! That didn't work. Hmmm. Why don't we try....NEXIUM! Sorta worked? Well, then take Nexium until your insurance runs out and then take the generic but bitch about it because you are sure you are being cheated out of a better therapy.

CANDIDA - THE MUSICAL!!! Pt. II, The Problem(s)(es)

So a Candida diagnosis - whether self imposed or from a health praticioner - gets a bad rap for about 4 reasons.

1.) It's the cause of so many symptoms, small and large - it just seems like a catchall explanation for so many things, how can that be right?

2.) The Candida sites on this here interweb are mostly run by crazies who want you to BE AFRAID! BE CAREFUL! BE WORRIED! and never, ever think you will be able to eat normal things again (and then they usually post a recipe for a "treat" like garbanzo bean breakfast cereal and you Want. To. Die.)

3.) The fact that allopathic medicine can't seem to wrap their head around systemic Candida as an actual syndrome - even when someone presents with endless vaginal yeast infections and ringworm. They don't have a test that they like - except when it's bloodborne, which only happens usually with people who are profoundly immuno-compromised (think AIDS or chemotherapy).

4.) Everyone loves bagels. EVERYONE. And if you have Candida, you REALLY love them. So the idea of giving up bread, sweets, all that stuff that makes life worth living seems beyond impossible.

My feeling is that you generally know if this is your problem. Sometimes you know it's your problem just out of the level of resistance you have to actually dealing with it. But if that isn't enough for you, here are some anti-fungals you can try. If it helps you to know for sure, then take these and if you have the suggested reaction, chances are right that yeast is your issue.

-Take 3 cayenne pills following a meal. If you have diarrhea, a sudden allergy attack about an hour after taking them, or a severe case of lethargy that almost feels flu-like, then it is likely that yeast is your problem. Heartburn does not count.

-Take one tablespoon of raw apple cider vinegar on an empty stomach. Again, if you experience diarrhea or flu like symptoms, then most likely, yeast is your deal.

-If you try a high quality pro-biotic and that seems to improve your, ahem, situation, then it is likely that your gut flora is imbalanced, which means, yup, too much yeast.

-The famous saliva test, outlined here is a great tool for self diagnosis. All it takes is some spit and an hour of your time.

CANDIDA!! THE MUSICAL: No Not Really, But It's Time For Things To Change

Ooohkay. This was the spring of yeast, and I don't mean the nutritional kind. I have had a lot of people contacting me with intestinal Candida issues, asking me for advice.

Not sure why this was - perhaps some of the airborne fungus from Oregon drifting South (no I am not shi**ing you, it killed two people already), or perhaps it is just the outreach of living in particularly chaotic times that are demanding that we change in ways we perhaps never thought possible or necessary.

(Or maybe it's our crappy American diet that seems to be made of flour, sugar and caffeine - never!! Unhand my eclair!!)

The larger way to view a yeast overgrowth or Candida issue is that it is a problem that develops where there is phelgm. Phlegm is-in a Traditional Chinese Medicine sense-the stuff that is produced and accumulates in parts of the body where chi is "stuck" or not flowing through. So this phlegm represents stagnation. Whether this stagnation is the result of physical stasis or emotional resistance, doesn't matter. It isn't a good thing.

Most of us have phlegm, because most of us are stuck in one way or another - on an idea, a habit, a pre-conceived notion of how our lives are supposed to be or what we ourselves are supposed to look like.

Less metaphysically, most of us eat and drink things that we know our bodies don't react well to, and we continue to do it because we believe it's our god-given right as Americans to eat french fry nachos with extra sour cream.

There's a lot on the web about yeast, some of it written by highly paranoid nut jobs who seem to have made fighting their yeast problem a full time job and are now on a crusade to make you as paranoid as them. But here's some suggestions on how to keep it simple. I'll get more detailed later on.

1.) Whatever you were eating while this problem developed - especially the things you eat everyday - it's better to take a vacation from them now. Don't think of it as cutting something out as much as making room for new things to be invited in.

2.) Sunlight is good! Not excessive of course, but sunlight is particularly healing.

3.) Vary your habits. Whatever they are. It's a good time to alter whatever rut you are in.

4.) Clean house of all unnecessary chemicals. Switch your cosmetics to things that have ingredients you recognize. Put as little strain on your immune system as possible.

More specific suggestions next time.

WHERE IS IT!!?! The Panic Of The Late/Missing Period

Who hasn't lived through the gut-wrenching worry of the late period? Even when you're not getting any and the only opportunity for pregnancy would be supernatural, a period that won't come down is a real drag. So after you are SURE you aren't pregnant, here are a few things that might help the Reds along.

-First of all, it's a good idea to make sure you aren't hosting a hidden yeast infection. It is possible to have one and not be symptomatic. If you're more than usually tired, experiencing more nasal allergies than usual and craving sweets or bread, this might be your culprit. Try this or this or even just a tampon with a few drops of castor oil and tea tree oil overnight. If that's your issue, it should come right down.

-Try some yoga. Bow pose (like this) with some gentle rocking back and forth should help. Any pose that brings blood to the pelvis region is a good idea.

-Lastly, and this is one of my favorites, parsley tea. It's not yummy, but it's easy. Grab a bunch of organic parsley, boil some water. When the water has boiled, turn it off, throw in the washed parsley and put a top on the pan. Let it sit from 10 minutes to a half hour. Then - drink. Is it wonderful. Nope. Tastes like ass. BUT it works.

But the great thing about doing any of this work is the reward: 5 days of cramping and bleeding. Whee.

THE DIRTY DOZEN!! Pt. 2: I choose my choice!

I was not a constant watcher of SEX IN THE CITY, and close friends have heard me denigrate that show for being a big reason why Manhattan was full of narcissistic nincompoops with $40,000 handbags and collapsing arches, tromping around the meat packing district at midnight in the early 2000's

But I do remember Charlotte's 3rd wave feminism freakout episode about the choice to not work and stay home. She simply couldn't reconcile what she was doing any other way except to say "I CHOOSE MY CHOICE!!"

Well, these next risk factors are not as shocking as the last, and a bunch of them have to do with the life you decide to live. Again, having grown up in Wisconsin around a lot of libertarian-leaning Krauts, there is a tendency to see these dire results of taking part in widely advertised vices as being just another moralistic con to get you to live by the Good Rules.

I don't suggest that anyone live in fear, but I do suggest thoughtful moderation, as opposed to reactionary pig-out.

That being said:

6. Eating a HIGH ANIMAL FAT DIET, especially MEAT or DAIRY contaminated with ADDED HORMONES or rBGH and IGF-1. More simply put, stay away from non-organic dairy and meats, and you won't have to become a scientist at the meat counter.

7. Using HOUSEHOLD PRODUCTS CONTAINING CHEMICAL CARCINOGENS or LIVING CLOSE TO A CHEMICAL PLANT OR HAZARDOUS WASTE SITES. This is the most far reaching, as 90% of the chemicals in our commercial cleaning products have no testing record to say whether they are safe. As far as where you live, this is something to really think about when moving.

8. Having a job that exposes you to large amounts of CARCINOGENS. I.E. almost all industrial jobs expose their workers to carcinogenic chemicals.

And these last four need no explanation.

9. The consistent use of ALCOHOL starting at an early age.

10. The consistent use of TOBACCO starting from an early age.

11. The leading of an INACTIVE AND SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE.

12. The regular use of BLACK OR DARK BROWN PERMANENT OR SEMI-PERMANENT HAIR DYES.

THE DIRTY DOZEN!! Pt. 1: Breast cancer prevention tips from CPC

I bet ya'll have heard of the American Cancer Association - right? Put your hands in the air if you have ever walked/ran/biked to raise money for them? Now put your hands in the air if you know anything about the Cancer Prevention Coalition...no? Yeah, that's the issue.

We spend a lot of money trying to cure cancer in this country. And when I say a lot, I actually mean A LOT. SHITLOADS. TONS. MORE MONEY THAN YOU CAN PICTURE. IT WON'T FIT IN YOUR HOUSE.

This is important for us all to note. We spend money trying to make sick people well. But we don't spend a lot of time or attention on trying to keep people well.

The Cancer Prevention Coalition is located at the University of Chicago, and it has been around for a surprising amount of time, trying to bring our attention to what we can do to not get sick in the first place. This list is specifically about breast cancer, and some of the risk factors may surprise you. Because they aren't the usual Exercise! Eat Better! Don't Be Fat! stuff.

This first group has specifically to do with medical risks. Meaning, these things that Doctors are willing to prescribe you for your health may elevate your risk of breast cancer.

1. The early and prolonged use of ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES. Yup, the pill. Sorry gals.

2. The prolonged use of high doses of ESTROGEN REPLACEMENT. This has been in the news.

3. PRE-MENOPAUSAL MAMMOGRAPHY with early and repeated exposure. This one is especially important to pay attention to. The Komen Pink Ribbon people have repeatedly ignored this particular piece of research.

4. The early and prolonged use of some ANTI-HYPERTENSIVE drugs. This is especially true for women who start using these drugs before the age of 55.

5. The use of SILICONE GEL BREAST IMPLANTS, ESPECIALLY THOSE WRAPPED IN
POLYURETHANE FOAM. This one is self explanatory

NO CURE FOR CANCER!! And other unfortunate truths.

So you might have read recently about the BREAST CANCER VACCINE! Almost every major news source has a story on the BREAST CANCER VACCINE! I write it this way with this punctuation because that is exactly the mood and tone in which this news has been delivered to us. From the sounds of the headlines, we will soon be given yet another booster shot, but this one will - wait for it - STOP BREAST CANCER!!

Okay, now for the discouraging part.

This vaccine has been tested on 12 mice. Yup, you heard me. 12 mice. 12 mice who were genetically engineered to have a genetic predisposition for breast cancer. Right there, we have already run into some problems. Breast cancer is not a primarily genetic disease. Less than 10% are genetically caused. The rest are caused by a confusing and ever changing combination of lifestyle and environment.

So why the trumpeting headlines? Because the company who is testing this thing needs more money if it's ever going to actually make it to human trials which are - despite the headlines - about 2 years away.

If you are serious about addressing the threat of breast cancer - and frankly, we all should be - then these "Dirty Dozen Risk Factors For Breast Cancer" are a good place to start, provided by the Cancer Prevention Coalition on my next blog post.

HOLY F**KING SH*T, WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!!! The Spleen Returns!

Well. Since the last time I wrote here, I was pulled away to San Francisco on an intellectual and spiritual journey that actually came in the form of a paying job. How often does that happen? I am inclined to say "never", but it just did, and while I was up there, writing narration for a science documentary I was feeling such a magic combination of grace and kismet, I'm doing my best to avoid the normal cynicism.

It occurred to me recently that I have always focused on the spots of resistance. Maybe it's growing up in Wisconsin and too many long, dark winters. Maybe it's just an ornery inbred nature. And for that reason I have avoided saying the obvious.

We live in a world that is increasingly poisonous. We have assented to this. Partially because of a naive belief that someone (the government, God,  your mother) is looking out for you. Partially because we are too busy to check on the state of the world, the state of nature.  And also because we figured that whatever industry fucked up, medicine will make right.

To be clear, I think Western medical practices work for trauma. And indeed, anyone who has ever gone to a hospital after a serious accident and walked away from it can attest that in that arena, the human race has truly accomplished something.

But for almost everything else - the kind of chronic health problems that define this particular time in history - they have been worse than useless. They continually fail to accurately calculate and consider the physical toll of living in an increasingly polluted environment. Instead, they continue to natter on about a genetic "cure" for cancer, when the President's Cancer Panel says that only a minute percentage of cancers (less than 10 percent) are genetic, and the rest are environmentally caused.

We know almost nothing about the toxicity and long term effects of the chemical bath we live in. The testing simply has not been done. Industry hasn't wanted it, and the government hasn't overruled them.

Therefore I am going to own up to a goal of this blog. It's defensive medicine. I am trying to connect you to resources that will help you maintain your health in a time of great unknowns.

I am going to try to blog better, more consistently. And I am now going to invite anyone who reads this to write in with questions, puzzling anomalies, and health emergencies. I will not be able to answer everything, but I WILL find you someone who can.

WHITE FLIGHT! or Why You Too Need To Stop Eating The Pale Carbs.

Alright, so I'm just gonna go ahead and piss you all off, while agreeing with a bunch of people I don't like agreeing with - like Gwyneth, Oprah and just about every self-help guru on TV.

The white carbs are bad. White bread, white crackers, white potatoes, white rice. Anything made with white flour.

WTF, FOOD RACIST?!? WHY?! GIMME BACK MY PRETZELS!!

Sure. I'll give you back your pretzels. While I'm at it, I'll give you a bag of sugar and advise you to start hosing through it with a spoon. Because unfortunately, your body reads the pretzels and the bag of sugar as basically the same thing.

Both things spike your blood sugar, causing your pancreas to secrete insulin. The insulin levels surge to remove the sugar from your blood and get it into your cells. And as long as this particular operation goes well, you can eat your pretzels and keep your figure.

However, in case you missed the Onion headline - AMERICA FILLS UP ON BREAD.  A great deal of what we eat during our red, white and blue day are refined carbs. A bowl of cereal for breakfast; a bagel with cream cheese for lunch and pasta for dinner. None of these are sugary treats, but they might as well be - they're still kicking the shit out of our pancreas, demanding more insulin at every meal. I'll let a generic web nutritionist explain the rest:

 "...if insulin spikes too often from a diet rich in the high-carb foods that trigger insulin secretion, your cells respond by decreasing the reactivity and number of insulin receptors on their surfaces. Eventually, this prevents glucose from getting into your cells, leading to high blood sugar and depriving your cells of the energy they need to function. This is why many women with insulin resistance experience carbohydrate cravings, fatigue and weight-gain — their cells are literally starving for energy, even when plenty of glucose is available in the blood. Down the road, your body’s capacity to generate insulin appropriately becomes depleted, and the result is type 2 diabetes."

There's lots of speculation to how much this wears down the body, especially as we age. But there's no argument that diabetes and obesity are on the rise from exactly these foods - even though it seems more logical to blame sodas, candy and fried food.

What to eat instead? Stay tuned...

YOU ATE WHAT? And why you should keep a food diary.

Food is a very emotional subject for everyone. Criticizing someone's eating habits is like insulting someone's mother. We are all very attached to what we eat and why. And we all have lots of justifications for eating the way we do. And let me say, I am not attacking your eating habits. But I am telling you to keep a food diary.

This might seem like an innocuous request, but after telling a few people that they might want to write down what they consume on a daily basis, here were a list of the immediate responses:

I'M TOO BUSY TO EAT WELL!!
I'M MORALLY OPPOSED TO LOOKING LIKE A FUSSY EATER!!
I DON'T HAVE FOOD ALLERGIES!!

Any nutritionist will tell you that this is one of the hardest things to get their patients to do - to get them to honestly make a list of the things they eat from the time they wake to the time they sleep.  Usually because the list contradicts whatever your internal story is, or it exacerbates whatever guilt or shame you have attached to your eating habits.

Keeping a food diary is not about trying to get skinny, and it isn't even necessarily about trying to get you to eat healthy. The goal is for you to make connections between what you put in your body and how you feel, thereby creating your own personal mind-body narrative. This kind of getting-to-know-you exercise can be a real mindblower - not because you find out things that you didn't know at all, but that it makes more explicit things that you have been suspecting for years.

BUT WHAT IF I FIND OUT I CAN'T EAT ICE CREAM/FRIED PORK RINDS/WALL PLASTER WITH OUT GETTING A MIGRAINE/RASH/BRAIN DAMAGE?

Well, what if? That choice is yours to make. But, at least now you know what the choice is, and because you are a Fabulous Grown Up, you can decide what you want to do.

WHY SPAZ ABOUT CANNED TOMATOES? OR HOW TO CHANGE THE WORLD, PT ONE

So most of you have heard of BPA, also known as Bisphenol A. It's the stuff that is released from all kinds of plastic bottles, food containers and toys that is now a permanent part of you. Yes, if we tested your blood, you would have BPA in your body. Why is that bad? Take a look at this list of things we think are caused by BPA:

• breast cancer
  
• prostate disease and cancer
  
• diabetes
  
• obesity
  
• hyperactivity
  
• impaired, altered, and compromised immune system and functions
  
• miscarriage
  
• impaired female reproductive development
  
• sperm defects
  
• lowered sperm count
  
• chromosome abnormalities
  
• chromosome sorting errors
  
• Down’s syndrome
  
• Turner Syndrome
  
• Klinefelter Syndrome
  
• genitalia deformity
  
• early onset of puberty
  
• impaired learning and memory
  
• increased aggression
  
• reversal of normal sex differences in the brain structure
  
• elimination of sex differences in behavior
  
• changes in response to painful or fear-provoking stimuli
  

Yeah, why would I think that was bad?

Basically, BPA seems to be a disruptor in the body - it keeps the body (at a deep level) from functioning normally. What's worse, is that these effects have been known about for years. The only way they managed to keep this stuff on the shelves was that the FDA under the Bush administration did a report on the safety of BPA and had people who were paid by the plastics industry write it.

Okay, so just think of the people who you know who are affected by one of these conditions. Think about the skyrocketing breast cancer numbers. As a matter of fact, think about all the conditions that are much more prevalent now than they were in our parents generation. We have long suspected that there are chemicals that have been widely used in these past 40 years, along with other man-made environmental causes, that are causing a radical change in the baseline of our health.

So why do I bring this up? Do I just want to give you one more thing to be depressed about? No. I want you to save yourself, save your neighbors, save your children, and your children's children. I want you to change the world the only way that is possible these days. And that is to make it more profitable for corporations to stop poisoning us than to continue the ways they have been - with their eyes ceaselessly on the bottom line, hoping to wait out the clock to the last available minute when the FDA rules that BPA is indeed dangerous, all the damage to human beings be damned.

MORE POETRY THAN YOU THOUGHT POSSIBLE! A New Year's Resolution.

Nervous System" (excerpt)


by Michael Dickman


When you look down
inside yourself
what is there?


You are a walking bag of surgical instruments
shining from the inside out

As some people who know me well know, I have had plenty of time in my life to contemplate the body and our relationship to it. It was never something I sought out, but it has become the primary relationship in my life. Isn't that strange? Not strange that it should become my primary relationship, but that it ever wasn't.

This is a weird plea in a blog that is mostly irreverent and trying not to frighten you away with too much information, too much intimacy. But today I am going to risk it.

This year, I think you should get to know yourself. And by saying that, I mean get to know your own physical being that has been nice enough to carry your brain for all these years.

We live at war with our bodies. After all, bodies are appalling in their inconsistency. They change,  they grow larger and smaller at the same time, drooping and falling towards our feet as we grow older.  The pizza we ate thoughtlessly in our late teens now keeps us awake all night. A friend called me recently and wondered why she was so hung over after just a few drinks - something that wouldn't have caused her any pain a few years ago. Ah, yes. Things, they change.

The body is demanding, too. It wants us to take time for it, to make changes in our schedule. It is always, always selfish. It wants more sleep, more exercise, more food and less food at the same time. You have kids? A job? A dog? Yeah, it doesn't care. It just wants you to pay more attention to it.

So this year I propose that we all enter into that difficult conversation with our physical selves. That we see what it wants. That we make sacrifices to it. That we do the hard thing, we do the inconvenient thing to give our bodies what they are asking for.